Lazy Bastards

Lazy bastards piss me off.

I don't mean the guy who lays around the house doing nothing, it is his house. He can be as lazy as he wants. No, the ones who piss me off are the ones who show up to work and then sit on their asses, knowing someone else will do the work that must be done.

Yeah, my job sucks, sometimes. Inmates whine and piss and moan, wanting this or wanting that. I can deal with that. I can deal with the captain calling asking why we are not chasing all the soap on a rope flying across the wings. I can even deal with the occasional utility officer who doesn't KNOW what needs to be done.

But, I can NOT deal with the lazy bastard who will sit in the office while 3 other officers are serving trays to four wings. I cannot deal with the asshole who sits in the office while those same three officers pull the trays from four wings. If you are going to sit in the office then at least sort the damned mail. Or maybe, finish the files on the 3 lockups we had during med-pass. Or staple up the property bags. Or check the 6 suicide cells.

Or better yet, get your feet off the fucking desk, and take your useless ass home.

Health Care

Generally, I avoid political debate or commentary. Rarely , if ever, does anything contructive ensue. So, if you are looking for a political debate here, it won't happen. I am going to talk about the deception being perpetuated on the American people.

Debating how we, as a society, are going to pay for health insurance is not a debate on health care. I don't know when the two became synonomous in the eyes of most Americans but they certainly have. Right now, today, all over this country, if you have a need for medical treatment you can get it without health insurance. Yes, you have to pay for it. But isn't that the way it should be?

I don't understand why someone has the expectation that others should pay for his/her blood pressure medication. Does this same person expect others to pay his/her rent? Does this person expect others to pay for that Big Mac or Whopper? Going without food or shelter will kill you a hell of a lot faster than going without blood pressure meds.

In my opinion, and it is just that, my opinion, I won't post a link to some website or web article to back up my opinion, the high cost of health care is a result of people not giving a damn what it cost because health insurance was picking up the tab. Human nature being what it is, if we perceive something to be free, we will take all that we can get, whether we actually need it or not.

Here is my plan.

1: Employers STOP paying any portion of our health insurance premiums. Pay that amount to each employee in cash every payday. Put the money in the hands of the individual and let the individual decide whether to pay that money to an insurance company or directly to the entity that provides his/her chosen amount of healthcare.

2: Place a cap on malpractice settlements.

3: Make medical malpractice a criminal offense. Put a few bad doctors in jail and other doctors will begin to pay attention.

4: Ban pharmaceutical advertising on television. The cost of drugs will drop and, even better, we will stop turning ourselves into a nation of hypochondriacs.

Mentoring

Mentoring is one of those buzz-words that we have adopted in the past few years. It is also something that has been going on forever. Back in the "good old days" if you wanted to learn something, you found someone who was doing it and just hung around, asking questions and generally getting in the way until one of them took pity on you and showed you the ropes.

This is the way I learned pretty much everything that I know. Sometimes I learned the right way and sometimes I was almost killed by some bad advice or teaching. The lessons that stuck, though, were those that gave good advice followed by an "ahhh shit" moment when trying to implement the lesson.

One of those lessons can be summed up quite succinctly with the following statement. " Always park your motorcycle facing uphill." It sounds easy enough and even makes total sense from a physics point of view. Most of us understand that the kickstand rotates from back to front to a predetermined stop and it stands to reason that if the kickstand is down and the bike moves forward the stand will rotate back to the folded position and the bike will fall down. Simple, isn't it? But, there are always those who don't quite grasp that concept.

I met one of those guys a few days ago. My employer provides parking for about 20 bikes. The lot is on a slight slope. It is simple enough to pull forward into a space and be left with the bike facing uphill. Snap down the kickstand, leave the bike in gear, and the bike rests securely on three points of contact with the ground.

A few days ago I watched a guy trying to back his bike into a parking spot. He grunted and groaned, feet slipping on the asphalt as he backed the 600 pound bike uphill into the parking spot. Of course I had to watch, I like to see a good crash. As I was taking my helmet off he finally got it positioned where he wanted it, put the kickstand down and dismounted, reaching up to unfasten the chinstrap on his helmet.

His bike began to inch downhill. I shouted, he turned to look at me, saw me pointing at his bike, looked back, saw it moving and tipping as the kickstand folded up. He grabbed for the bike but it was too late. The bike fell, taking him down with it. I ran over. Ok, I waddled over.

The bike had him pinned but not hurt. I grabbed the handlebars, squeezed the front brake lever and tipped the bike upright. He lay on the ground as I popped the shifter down putting the bike in gear and dropped the kickstand. I turned to help him up.

"Hey, don't put the bike in gear, man," he said as I helped him up.

"Why not," I asked ?

"It fucks up the transmission or something," he said as he brushed himself off, "They need to put a parking brake on these things".

"Um, ok, so why don't you park facing uphill, like everyone else", I asked ?

He looked at me with pity, "Because it is easier to back it uphill than downhill with one foot on the ground".

I had to ask, you know I did, this was getting better all the time. "Why would you only have the use of one foot when you backed downhill"?

He sighed with exaspiration, "Because you have to have one foot on the brake".

"Ohhhh," I said, thoughtfully, looking confused, "Can't you use the front brake and keep both feet on the ground"?

"Hell no!", giving me that look reserved for total morons, "You can't use the front brake in parking lots at walking speed, it makes you crash"!

I closed my mouth, looked perplexed for a minute, wrinkled my brow and said, "But, if you are backing up, doesn't that make your front brake your back brake"?

I could see I had him now, he was seriously thinking about that. But, when you hook a real fish, there is no fun in just yanking him into the boat, you have to play him a bit.

"You can make a parking brake, you know", I said with a straight face, "you can either use a wheel chock, or just wrap a rubber band around your front brake lever when you get parked like this. I think I have one of the big rubber bands on my bike".

I opened a saddle bag and took a rubber band off my rainsuit and gave it to him.
He wrapped it around and around the brake lever until the lever was squeezed tight, then popped the bike out of gear. It stayed parked and upright.

As we walked across the parking lot, my new best friend chattered on, telling me his life story as I smiled and thought to myself, "this mentoring crap is fun".

Chaos...

is no longer just a theory. We are living it.

In the Septic Tank there is a constant background of words. Many profane, but even the profane ones have no real meaning. An inmate calls me to his door and says he has a question. I try to listen as he launches into a long and winding dissertation.

" Hey, CO, can you do me a favor?"

"Sorry, I don't do favors, but what is your question?"

"Look man, the motherfuckers locked me up this mornin', right?"

"OK."

"and like, I got a motherfuckin' TASC day, right?"

" No sir, you do not have a TASC day. You have to be here 24 hours before you get a TASC day"

" Look motherfucker, I gots me a TASC day!"

"No sir, you have to be here 24 hours before you get a TASC day."

" aight, aight, aight, well look , I needs me a phone call"

" Sir, you don't get a phone call until you have a TASC day and you have to be here 24 hours before you have a TASC day."

" HEY, DAWG!!!!!" shouted into my ear as the inmate yells across the wing to someone in another cell, "WHA CHOO DOIN', MAN?"

The response is an unintelligible burst of noise echoing across the wing from the other inmate.

"MOTHERFUCKIN' COP THINKS EYES A NEWBIE !!!!! TELL 'IM DAWG, EYES A GANGSTA MOTHAFUCKA, DAWG, HEAR ME?"

As I turn to walk away the little white guy that wants his TASC day says, "Where you goin' muthafucka ? I gets me a phone call, aight! I knows I gets me a phone call, you fat fuckin' faggot !"

I smile and begin to walk away and then, in a pleading, generic whitebread tone of voice he asks, "CO, can I get some toilet paper?"